i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
