ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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