Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
