I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
