i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she told me i tasted like america
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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