shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
