I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
