okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
