They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
