There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
