I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
