I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
