we have officially lost it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
