When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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