I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
