That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
