I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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