Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize