I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
