There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
