Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
