Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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