Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
