I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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