Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
