I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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