My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize