Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize