I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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