I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
