You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
