im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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