They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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