:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
