What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
being pregnant is like rehab
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
