when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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