Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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