dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
