The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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