I'm so fucking centered right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
