That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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