At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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