Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
