If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
