Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
