are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize