Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
