I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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