Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
