if you like me you must not know who I am
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
