Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
