I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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