His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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