sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
