Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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