I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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