I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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