i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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