I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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