Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
