Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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