He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
