OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
