I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
