You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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