3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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