pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
false alarm, still single
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
