the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
