I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
