There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
