i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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