if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
