I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
