Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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