we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
