And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
