I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize