i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
