Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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