There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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