the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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