i used baking grease as lip gloss
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
