1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
