so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
