Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My vagina is officially offended.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
